Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
