I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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