I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
