i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think my moral compass just broke
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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