I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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