dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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