i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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