he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
