I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
