who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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