I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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