Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
