You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
