she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
