Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
