So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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