I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
