Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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