We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
