I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
