i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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