Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
