I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
