By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
