Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
