Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
