everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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