Fuck appropriateness.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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