I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
