What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
