She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
In America we eat man semen.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
