once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
