So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
