nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
