She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
