Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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