Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
