I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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