Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
