I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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