Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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