i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
