I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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