what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
