where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
