Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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