is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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