He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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