**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
