That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
