I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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