even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
