Me too!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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